I suck at this Blog shit.

I have absolutely slipped into a real depression lately. I’m sorry I’ve not even somewhat kept up with writing and holding myself accountable.

It’s been rough finding out I have MS and then finding out I also have Lupus.

Then I left my crappy ex. And since then it’s just been one thing after another pushing me back into this dark hole.

Life is hard enough as an adult, but when you have two illnesses that are actively working to keep you down, it’s so much harder.

I have, somehow, completely quit caffeine. And I’ve been doing fairly well at eating my calorie goal everyday. I haven’t gained any of my weight back after the two rounds of Prednisone I was told to take, but 104 lbs is totally… Ok?

I did find a guy that has been a god send. He pushes me to do better and be better. But he’s also there for me when I’m down and doesn’t question how I can be so tired after a long day of not shit. And that in its own is so relieving.

I am still depressed though. No idea what the main cause is. Maybe it’s the negative drug reaction two not Disease Modifying drugs I’ve tried for my MS. Maybe it’s that I still haven’t seen a rheumatologist, and probably won’t until February 11th. Maybe it’s because I lost 20 lbs and can’t gain it back so I barely look like an adult woman anymore. Maybe it’s the financial issues I’m dealing with, not being able to work and with Christmas coming up so soon.

Whatever it is, I’m pretty stuck and I don’t see a way out anytime soon. I’m trying my best to keep doing the things I love. I’m trying not to spend all day in bed, even when I’m exhausted and in horrible pain.

Here’s to the other Autoimmune fighters out there that just feel alone and sad. It’s hard. I believe you and your pain. Keep fighting and hoping it gets better.

We got this.

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